For all of us 2020 was one of the strangest years ever, from the entire world shutting down to seeking understanding of all these seemingly new emotions running through your mind. Something new that I am learning to deal with is called "Survivor's Remorse" which refers to the feelings of guilt for surviving something when others did not. For me in particular this if from the friends over the years who either passed away from violence, or they simply just closed their eyes one day to never opened them again.
Sometimes moments happen that may last a week or go on for months but I look at all that I have been blessed to accomplish and overcome in life and become sadden. Questioning God, asking why I am the one allowed to be this blessed while they weren't. Knowing I'm no better than anyone else and in some cases I know the others were far more intelligent and were fighting greater odds, so what makes me the one to live and prosper?
As I've learned more about this and been able to work through my emotions I am more aware that this isn't something that will be fixed quickly. I've learned to speak to people that I love and lean on them a little more, even if I am not expressing my confused state of emotions. Sometimes it's good to be embraced and loved in whatever manner it presents itself from them, be it a great conversation full of laughs or just simply wrapping your arms around a loved one and feeling that love.
With all that took place last year, my prayer is that we all find a way to show love and gratitude to our creator above and to ourselves as well. Try to find an outlet to help you express whatever feelings that are overwhelming you. You're deserving to be here in this moment and if you are then you still have purpose. Get in tune with yourself to find your purpose and begin working towards fulfilling it not only for you but to honor the name and memory of all those who may have left this world way too soon.
Be Blessed in all you do and remember that Everything Works In Divine Timing.